(anime) review: Origin:spirits of the past

…an anime cant get any more boring than this one. this anime is one of the most boring films i have ever watched, and don’t complain that its cheap, the girl who leapt through time was cheap and was a very good anime, same for summer wars, why not this one?

even the cover says “almost painfully beautiful”…wow…is that supposed to be positive or negative?,

well, enough talking, lets get right into this anime and wish we didn’t

so the anime movie begins by showing us the planet earth all destroyed…by that i mean the stuff we built

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(i got nothing)

 

and then a song gets played…and i hate it, its so bad i can’t even talk about it, i felt just like this guy in this video (not owned by me)

 

 

 

and then we see a title card of the films name

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so after 4 minutes worth of terrible singing, we see clouds…yaaaay????? :/

 

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so then we meet one of the main characters Agito and some other unfunny person, and they are running on the most DANGEROUS BRIDGE YOU WILL EVER SEE, seriously how f***ing dangerous is that bridge?! and why are they running on it, imagine if one of the planks snapped or you slipped off, you fall to your doom!? and someone lives on one of the sides of the bridge?! who would do such a thing?!

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so apparently they are off to go and get some water for their village…why exactly? sure they look poor but they seem active and that probably tells us that their whole family is active.

so they decide that they are going to be idiots and go to the bottom of the well, one of them runs safely and the other one…bandicam 2016-06-15 22-10-13-506.jpg

…apparently decides to be a maniac and jump of the building to get further down…are you insane?! WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT?! if people need water, then why are you taking the risk to accidentally die because of being an idiot and letting everyone no longer live?

so one of the main character fell down and landed on a sharp rock…thats what you get when you take a leap of death…you maniac

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so apparently he cant let the guards hear him or he gets arrested…or something…so not only are you trying to kill yourself, you are also being illegal…WHATS WRONG WITH YOU KIDS?! even maid sama had a way better beginning than this.

so after a few minutes later, they got down the well

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oh look they died well thats the end i guess see ya….

 

 

(a few days later…literally) im back =D

 

 

so some nonsense talking happens (like as if we have not had enough from the previous anime we talked about) about what agito will do when his dad dies…why exactly are you asking this right now? you should be doing this later on in the film…oh wait you are not in the rest of the film (i kid you not, he does not appear till the end of the film)

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also i need to mention how lazy the drawings are, they look like they had some random piece of paper and scribbled a character and decided to make him the main character…everything agito does is so boring to watch

 

but then what do you expect from a £2.99 anime? probably a LOT MORE THAN THIS!!!!

 

so then these random guys find them in the bottom of the well…aaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd…i dont know what to say, there is nothing to say. this is one of the problems with this anime, you  cant really explain it because you dont know what the hell is going on

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so agito suddenly gets taken away by the river (aka gets lost in the river) and then- oh my god the devil himself haunts this well, they have been drinking, satanic water!!!!!!

(get used to this, this might be in a few reviews)

ok its not the devil but its apparently its scans agito to see if he able to do…whatever happens next, and the laser hurts your eyes really badly, and i kept missing the scan when taking a pic so yeah :/

 

so the light was actually a part of the terminator-i mean a storage room for dead people…well, sort of, my god we are not even a quarter way into this anime and my brain hurts already because of all the stuff happening…

agito finds this girl that has been frozen for years…why exactly? is it just an ancient girl or is it like the scene in jason X where they had no choice but to freeze jason before he killed anyone?

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so agito releases the girl from this chamber by touching it…if that is supposed to be a chamber, it is the weakest/most fragile chamber their is because if it can be opened with a single touch then it is poundland quality and thats not good

and then the girl says this

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yup, this is the first thing she says…if i were in this situation, i would run off immediately

its like she was frozen whilst she was halfway through a conversation, its like when you watch a stream and no nothing about it

 

meanwhile, some important people or upset that the water is going away because of agito an someone else…we still need to know this guys name, the anime has not given us any info on him at all, then again, he is not very interesting either

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so the girl asks agito where they are quite politely, but what does agito do? ignore her question and tells her to drink some water… 😡

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so after the two kids managed to escape via making an exhaustively long dramatic scene that is not actually dramatic, its just boring to watch we finally see them in their home town

and we also find out that the girls name is toola…wow…what a dumb name, what were the creators thinking?

mickey mouse: alright we need to think of a name, any suggestions?

goofy:id say okatsu

mickey mouse: hell no, we cant name her after a japanese side dish, YOU FIRED

donald duck: id say giraladehioeregrio

mickey mouse: what SORT OF NAME IS THAT DONALD?! LOOK AT YOU! YOU LOOK LIKE SOME DUMB IDIOT WHO CANT EVEN AFFORD PANTS, NOW GET OUT, YOU FIRED!

anyone else?! ANYONE ELSE WHO HAS AN IDEA FOR A NAME?!

some random person: how about bob?

Mickey: RIGHT THAT IS ENOUGH! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR NONSENSE FROM ALL OF YOU! IVE HAD ENOUGH!…right, random person, i need to tell you something…

 

 

mickey: you know what, lets just call her toola because clearly a tool is way smarter than you guys

 

anyways, moving on

 

this is where they live

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ok, i have two problems with this

1)why would anyone live here

2)couldn’t you at least put some effort of drawing, it looks like a stock photo, maybe it is a drawing…but it is probably not

we also meet this girl named minka, who wants to marry agito…beleive it or not, she is one of the only actually good characters in this film, sure she is annoying but she is entertaining…so the creators of this anime decided to only show her in a few scenes…SON OF A-

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minka is told that she has to take care of hammer lady- i mean toola,and she does not mind that

so now its dinner time at minkas house

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…i understand you are poor, BUT PUT SOME EFFORT INTO YOUR FOOD! even nagisas mum (from clannad) could cook better, even if it didn’t taste niceCktTU0PWUAAqceG.jpg

 

0-0 uhhhhhh, minka? pls tell me you are actually wearing something?!

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so some random guy wants screwdriver-woman – i mean toola for whatever reason…and nope we have not seen his face yet

 

so now minka and toola go shopping…come on! now your making them shopping addicts?!

while they are on the way minka explains why agitos dad has silver hair

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and then- OH MY GOD, MY COMPUTER HAS BEEN HACKED?! HELP ME!

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so apparently these…horrifying things are living creatures…who say that they cant give any water back for whatever reason…im confused

 

so toola gets a phone call, and before you ask, yes, she is the only one to have a phone 😦 luck lady 😦

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but then minka suddenly stops the phone call…by simply holding it…what the hell? why just have a password? dumb kid

anyways minka suddenly hates toola and says that she will marry agito…and what is your point here? is it to annoy toola? or is it because you like agito more, answer…i dont f***ing know? its just so random/ pointless

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so now we meet agito…doing something….and i cant really explain because the creators thought it was a good idea to make the camera rotate

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i really dont understand the purpose of it….maybe its to make us wish we were not watching this

(30 minute mark…whooooooo)

so now agito sees toola entering the forest, and the other kid is wearing some glasses but since one of the lenses has fell out,i just consider it the eyepatch v2.0

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so now the jungle tries to kill her but agito kills the trees…surely agito would of been an second too late to rescue toola…im pretty sure that should of happened

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so nonsense talking happens (i cant deal with anymore nonsense talking, help me) and then toola starts saying nothing but bullsh*t…if only the bullsh*t man would ever talk about why nonsense talking is bullsh*t, also if you have not watched the series “you know whats bullsh*t” well you are in for a treat, its a youtube show where someone talks about stuff that is complete bullsh*t so anything like dvd’s or pennies all that type of stuff, heres a video of one of the episodes, this is one of my favourite youtube series yet (not owned by me)

 

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maybe that might of been a good thing hammer lady

 

so toola wants to visit agitos dad…oh great, so its on the other side of that dangerous bridge, why would his dad live on the side of a dangerous bridge?!

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he does not even help toola, he just runs off as if to say “you have one chance, good luck”, i thought we were in an anime,  not bloody saw where you have to play a game to save your own life

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so we find out that agito’s dad is a tree…a tree, of all things, you made him a tree…thats something i would use for random pics (which will no longer be on wordpress, next blog explains everything)

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since when is it a good idea to make someone a tree?! nobody will ever draw him, he probably will never even apppear on fan art friday hosted by anime girls NYC

anime girls NYC site: https://animegirlsnyc.com/

so after that scene we-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my ears! were in a pub and its noisy as hell! 😡

anyways minka finds out that the girl that she…suddenly hates is a girl from the past….but ithought she was listening to her and the mayor of this place talk about the past, how dumb can you get?!!!!

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so these guys are talking about toola and that if you can find her, you get promoted…wtf?! so minka…being the spoiled brat she is, decides to help them…or thats what we know so far

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so then minkas brother says this

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oh really? gee, i wonder what happens at the end? oh yeah! you dont, cause you are not used in that part of the film,and why are you even saying this?!

first minka wanting to marry agito, and now, random relative bloak wanting to marry toola, it will never happen, its almost as much as seeing hatsune miku but as a real person,not computer animated

 

so now this random guy (who was that guy from some other scene) finds minka and decides to take her away…WHAT THE F*** IS HAPPENING?! I AM LITTERALLY CONFUSED FROM THIS PART OF THE MOVIE!!!

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so these guys are known as the rabans (sound like rabies to me) and the leader wants toola hel[ him re-create the world he used to know…WHY?! you know one day it would have to be re-re-created?bandicam 2016-06-24 17-44-33-030

and the leaders name is shunack….sounds like some cereal bar brand

 

goofy:hi their what would you like?

you:i would like a shunack bar please? wait why are you crying?

goofy:because i got fired from working on the film origin:spirits from the past

you:who cares, it looks horse sh*t

 

 

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so then- what the f***?! WHY IS THERE A TREE IN THE SHAPE OF A DRAGON ATTACKING TOOLA ALL OF A SUDDEN?!

 

also, imagine if this was a dragonballZ spin off called: dragonballTREE

if it existed, i would probably buy it because i would have to warn the world not to watch it

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(in case you are wondering, i have only started to watch dragonballZ, and to be honest, its not really my thing)

 

so shunack the cereal bar kills the dragon…what else is there to say?

alright this scene istaking too long so im just going to quickly whizz through what happens

so agito tries to stop toola from being taken by these guys, the raban does not let her go and the scenes over, yay, moving on :/

so…bandicam 2016-06-24 18-11-23-232.jpg

agito and his dad talk about toola leaving…i really cant say if this is nonsense talking or not

so agito decides to go to the forest to stop toola from doing stuff…i dont know, im so tired (when writing this blog) that i have no idea what is going on

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so toola is on a train…sitting down…very quietly…looking lifeless as ever…bandicam 2016-06-24 18-18-37-028.jpg

WHERE THE F*** IS THIS TRAIN< IT LOOKS LIKE THEY ARE IN SPACE!!!

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so the train gets to some…reaally…boring…place…i…feel…really…tired, you know what im just going to call it poundland

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so toola has to use her phone thingy as a map for shunack to use…google maps ami right?

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so agito is running…i forgot that agito was in this film lol

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why does the quality look bad too? looks like it came out in 1996

 

so minka decides to go find agito and help him…trus me minka, you would die in half a quatre of a millisecond in the forest

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but luckily, she gets caught red handed

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thank you white haired guy 🙂

so its been a day and agito is still in the forest…im pretty sure toola is far away now agito

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WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THIS FILM? these forest people are talking to agito, and then give him powers and white hair…that is by far the biggest wtf scene from any entertainment, what could be more wtf than that?!

(oh yeah :/ )

so now agito fights this horribly animated robot thngy

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and wow, does it look hideous when animated, it looks unfinished

so now agito slices the entire robot in half with his hands…dont be a showoff when it comes to nonsense sh*t like that, because we dont care

 

back at poundland, toola and shunack are ready to go to….i dont know :/

but agito ruins poundland and gives us this look

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but before agito does anything, he gets drugged and his body feels heavy…well your not really any good if you get drugged ea silly

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so agito gets locked up on a wall…oh great so now he is an SCP then?

so finally they decide to kill him (what a great way to end the film)

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damn it its not the end of the film :(, on the plus side he is turning into the hulk, wonder how the hulk actually feels about them plagiarising him ? he is probably quite angry

so agito escapes and now he is on a rampage to get toola back, even though toola has said she does not want to come back, if she does not want to come back then why are you forcing her to?

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so after agito is knocked off the train and gets told that if he carries on he will become like his father (by turning into a tree), agito still decides to rescue toola…im getting so bored of this now, in fact this is literally the rest of the film left :/

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wait? now what the f*** is happening, we have these random flashbacks of stuff?! stop throwing random stuff at us

so apparently toolas bunch of people were extinct because…lets just pause here, simply guess why they no longer exist, just guess…because of a meteorite, YOU GUYS ARE HUMANS NOT DINOSAURS!!!!!!!!!

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(we are actaully an hour into this film, not 35 mins)

anyways the rabans and toola enter a volcano because i have no idea

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so toola puts her raban into this thing and this thing called istokbandicam 2016-06-24 19-34-29-206and his father starts talking nonsense

 

so now the volcano has legs WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF!!!

but toola realized she has been fooled as the volcano was used as a weapon

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SHUT UP WITH THE NONSENSE TALKING!!!!

oh great we have a cliched fight scene, here is what happens

oh look agito fights shunack

oh look agito almost rescued toola

oh look agito is almost dead

oh look agito is losing in the fight

oh look agito turns into a tree….but unlike his father, he actually turned into a proper tree

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oh look toola stops the volcano

oh look toola is sad that agito turned into a tree

oh look agito is free from the tree

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oh look they escape

oh look the movie is over

do i recommend this movie? NO! NO NO NO NO NO  NO! never watch this anime at all unless if you really want to review it , but otherwise, never watch and leave it alone, even it is £2.99 in your local hmv (its just some british movie store), dont watch it

now im gonna take a break for a bit and then its back to blogging 🙂

 

a gorithific production

 

 

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